Death Text
by faded blue
Summary: Death Text is a parody of Death Note that has the notebook become a cell phone and everything follow accordingly.


Disclaimer: I own neither Death Note nor the idea of Death Text. Neko was the one who came up with the idea of Death Text, but her parents watch her when she goes on the computer and she doesn't have a Fanfiction account so I'm the one writing and posting this, not that I mind.

faded blue: This most likely will be multi-chaptered, but from my point of view if I do make it multi-chaptered, it's going to eventually get worse and worse. If the majority of reviews say that I should stop, then I'll stop unless someone pms me to continue.

Ah, I feel like I've ranted too much, the first author's note is usually the longest. I'll stop so you can read now, but first I should say that the standard key shall be used: _italics _meaning thoughts, lines separating scenes and all that stuff, and I will use kanji for the chapter names. I'm also sorry if that appears as a box on your computer. m( )m

Pairings: None

Warnings: Text talk, shifts between bolded and non-bolded words, shifts between underlined and not underlined sentences, and all of the words being italicized in one of the paragraphs. (Just one, don't worry.)

--

**Death Text: The Person Whose Name is Texted from This Phone Will Die**

**Chapter One: Wonder**

驚

"Listen for the voice of God then follow it, and know that in time you will find your salvation." Yagami Light listened to his English teacher going on and on about the lesson, though no one seemed to be listening. All around him his fellow students didn't seem to be listening. The girls to his right were carrying on their own conversations, some guys to the back of him were throwing paper at each other, and Takeshi even went as far to bring his DS to school and playing it during class. It wasn't just 

in the area of the room he was sitting in either, all over the class, and probably the school, were in their own safe little world doing whatever they wished to do.

_"I can't believe this," thought Light. "Don't they care about their future? Everyone here is selfish, they only care about themselves. They don't see the world as what it really is; they only think that it is their playground. Soon this childish behavior will disappear once school is over for them, and they are thrust into the real world without any weapons to use. One by one their human instinct to live will take over and they will thrive from living off the ruined lives of others and-" _

Light's thoughts were interrupted by the sudden stimulus of a cell phone dropping slowly from the sky. Somehow this sparked his interest. Now Light, at this time 17, is not, was not, and has never been a person to be poking in places he shouldn't. He only had one thing on his mind: to become a police officer so he could enforce the law. He was a guy to follow the rules no matter what, and somehow that's caused the spontaneous part of him to slowly shrivel up and die. In spite of all of this, he still thought to himself to check out the phone that nobody else seemed to have noticed after class, after all, even though he didn't like to admit it, his father worked in a cell phone company.

--

_"I can't believe this phone was still there, anyone could have picked it up and used it as much as they wanted at the owner's cost." _Yagami Light was walking home, looking at the new phone he found. Miraculously it fell from a two story building and there was no damage to the flip-top. He was currently looking through the plain, grey phone to find any indication of who the owner was. The only special feature it had was the number of times four was repeated on and in the phone. "_Clearly this person doesn't suffer from tetraphobia." _(1)

Then suddenly, the phone started vibrating. It was receiving what looked like a text. _"What the…" _thought Light as he looked at the text message. It wrote:

"_**Like **__OMG__** u **__like__**, found **__this__** fone!!11!**__oneoneone_

_**K**__, so__** like**__, um__** here**__ r__** the **__like__**, rules **__to__** using **__it.__**K **__so__** the **__ppl__** whos **__name__** is **__like__**, **__texted__** from **__this__** fone **__will__** like, **__die__**.**__** Oh **__my__** gawd **__isn't__** that **__like__**, so **__freaky__**? **__**N **__e__** way **__this__** rule **__will__** not, **__like__**, work **__unless__** the **__name__** is, **__like__**, texted **__to__** the **__person's__** fone.**__This__** is **__so__** ppl **__with__** the **__same__** name **__won't__**, like, **__be__** killed **__I__** think…**__and__** u **__can__** like, **__also__** text **__the__** cause **__of__** death **__in__** 40 **__seconds__** and **__that__** will **__happen___

_**2!!**__111oneoneone__**But **__if__** u **__don't__** then **__they__** will **__die__** of **__a__** heart **__attack__**. In **__the__** next, **__like__** 400 **__seconds__** u **__should__** enter **__the__** details **__of__** there **__death__**.**__** So **__that's__** basically **__it!__**!11, ttyl!!oneoneone" **__(2)_

It was horrible. A third of a way through it he stopped walking, half the way through it he wasn't aware of the people bumping into him, and when he finished he had an expression that was similar to this face: ".

"_I think I need to see my optometrist…"_

_--_

Back at home, something was bothering Light. He was staring at the phone. "_A phone that causes death, I'm sure it's a prank…and a horrible one at that, but still…"_

With the final exams, and now this on his mind, he decided to watch the TV, so he turned on the small set that was on his desk and flipped to the channel that was known for delivering the best news.

"In the heart of Tokyo it seems that a 42 year old man is holding an Verizon mobile phone store hostage."

"…"

"He barricaded himself inside with the nine employees and thirteen customers who were unfortunate enough to be caught in such an event. The criminal's name is Otoharada Kurou who was a former employee. He was fired last September for attempted theft. Now unemployed, Otoharada became a drug addict. This makes him very dangerous for the twenty-two people inside. Police are now trying to negotiate the man to surrender." On the video in the corner Light could see Otoharada standing near the window. The scene showed that there was a fight going on between the police and Otoharada, and he threw his phone at them. It turned on, and it was the type to show your phone number as you turn it on. A close-up showed his number.

Light grabbed the plain phone which was on his bed and proceeded to text out Otoharada's name to his number. He sent it and then leaned back in his chair to wait out the forty seconds.

"Right now I'm just concerned about the hostages. With this much anger brewing, it's hard to keep safe."

"That's right; I'm hoping that this ends quickly so we don't have to have the suspense that comes with this."

Forty seconds passed. _"As I thought, it was just a prank."_

Light was just about to shut off the television when…

"Hold on! Look, Otoharada's disappeared and the hostages are getting out! The police are now rushing in! Oh, yes? Just in! The perpetrator is dead! Testimonies from the hostages suggest that he died of a heart attack!"

"_A heart attack…"_ suddenly the stoic genius started giggling. At first just a little, until it evolved into a full blown evil laugh. It seemed like he had just snapped, but he was about the be interrupted.

"Hey, like, it seems like you've enjoyed that cell phone, Light" (3)

"AHHHH!! PREP!!" yelled Light as he fell down from his chair in fear of the figure that was standing in front of him. It looked like a Shinigami, but it talked like a preppy teenage girl. Light shivered at the thought.

"What, like, why are you so surprised to see me? You already, like, know that the cell you have isn't, like, normal don't you? I'm the prep, Ryuk."

"Yes, that's right…actually I'm not surprised to see you. I've actually been waiting for you. I didn't think that this wasn't a supernatural cell phone for a second. After experimenting with it, I'm pretty confident about it. There's one thing I have to ask you though, Ryuk."

"And like what would that be?"

"If this is your cell phone, then why is it so plain?"

"Well you see, we preps need our cell phones to like survive. I took that one from another prep. It didn't suit my tastes so I, like dropped it."

"I see, and another one. What will happen to me now? Will you take my soul for using the cell phone?"

"Like, what the hell are you talking about? I'm like not going to do anything to you. It's like yours now because you touched it."

"So…there's no price for using this?"

"OMG that's right! Except I have to follow you around everywhere you go." Suddenly Light turned pale.

"Er…"

"Well you can give it to someone else, but I'll like have to erase your memories."

"No, I'll keep it. With this the scum of the earth can finally be punished, and I'll be the one to punish them. If someone else were to pick up this cell phone, they couldn't do it. I'm the only one who could eliminate the word's scum. I'll use the Death Text to change the world! First I'll kill off the 

known criminals with heart attacks. No one will commit a crime if they fear my power. I'll also kill off any others who need to die. They'll disappear little by little by accidents or disease. Then, the world will surely become a better place! And I…I will become the new world's God!"

"Ew I like, hate people with ego issues!"

"…shut up"

--

1) The fear of the number four. Common in Asian civilizations because of the similar pronunciation with death. And yes, I'm tetraphobic.

2) This really isn't important; I just felt the need to apologize for creating such a monster of a paragraph. It needed to be as obnoxious as possible…

3) Ryuk's texting is way different than his talking, and I'm showing that by not killing your eyes.

Ah this turned out really lame. Hopefully chapter two will be better.


End file.
